Do you ever feel weighed down by your over-thinking? I always prided myself on being a pretty laid back lady, but if I be honest- I am a BIG thinker. Maybe I’ll refer to it as pondering to make me feel less whiney. Whatever it is- it weighs heavy on me sometimes. They’re big questions too, I’m not stressing over a new pair of jeans or losing weight or any of that crap. I’m asking myself questions like ‘who am I’, ‘what is my purpose’, ‘what is going to make me happy’, ‘are the decisions I’m making today leading me towards the person I want to be tomorrow’. Yeah, I told you.

These are such bullshit questions, too. Because how can anyone really answer them. You can answer it at certain times in your life easily. Those awesome moments where everything feels like it’s happening exactly how it’s supposed to. But what about those times when you’ve got an itch. When you don’t feel quite fulfilled. When you feel like you need to be doing something, ANYTHING differently? Yeah, well, welcome to my life right now.

It comes from a huge, selfish fear I have of regretting decisions I have made (or sort of not made, as the case may be). To a point, I can convince myself that everything has happened for a reason, but deep down there’s that little voice of reason that says, ‘yeah, but you should have fucking finished studying law and be making way more money by now’ etc etc. I worry that hindsight will afford me the wisdom to realise what I should have been doing now- but right now, in the now, I don’t really know what the right answer is.

I guess the real answer is that you have to focus on being happy in whatever situation you’ve got going on, and if you need change- then fucking go and make some changes. I’ve been doing way too much thinking and not enough action- so I guess it’s Business Time. And, yeah…watch some more Girls!!

xfez