Nothing else matters…

Well, the death knell is ringing out on Summer for another year. Tomorrow will be Autumn and another set of adventures, this time with longer pants.

For me Soundwave has always been the final event and the beginning of the end of Summer for another year. I love that going each year is both amazing and tinged with so many bitter sweet memories. I don’t know how people handle the memories of their lives, for me they are so present and wash over me at the slightest whiff of a certain perfume or hearing a certain song or album.

Soundwave is great in that way, mixing new bands with old and giving me that nostalgic rush. Seeing Metallica like I did a few years ago at Big Day Out, hearing Nothing Else Matters and simultaneously being taken back to that night on the hill at the Gold Coast where the haunting riff filled me with a bit of loneliness while also taking me back to the 90s when I first heard it. This time around it filled me with awe and happiness.When I first heard it live I felt alone on that hill, this time I felt like I was experiencing it with 20,000 other people. So many layers of memory, so much context!

Seeing Offspring and being reminded of your own mortality in the aged faces of its band members. Hearing those songs that filled you with so much energy and emotion as a 14 year old, reminding you of how much older you feel and how much less energy you have! Hearing those songs and singing your heart out and being taken right back there for a moment in time. Experiencing that with your husband, who’s been standing by your side, loving music the way you have for the last 14 years. Golden!

Even just the memories of this seven year tradition of heading to Soundwave have got a special place in my heart. Building traditions with my husband that have gone on for almost our entire 20s brings its own kind of comfort. I look back on even five years ago with such fondness, I can’t imagine how looking back on these times in 20 years will feel. I am sure I will be so grateful for the fun and experiences we have been able to share with our friends. And when I feel lonely or nostalgic, I can just listen to my records and be taken right back there.

Music is an emotional roller coaster for me. It’s been my pacifier, my energiser, my sympathiser, my record keeper and a huge source of fun. You can be who you want to be with music. It can remind you of who you want to be. As long as I can still hear and move, I’ll be heading to Soundwave (well, maybe not every single year). I’m sure the memories will get even more intense and layered as my life moves on, but I hope I never lose the magic that music gives me.

xfez

The thinker, it’s the thinker

Do you ever feel weighed down by your over-thinking? I always prided myself on being a pretty laid back lady, but if I be honest- I am a BIG thinker. Maybe I’ll refer to it as pondering to make me feel less whiney. Whatever it is- it weighs heavy on me sometimes. They’re big questions too, I’m not stressing over a new pair of jeans or losing weight or any of that crap. I’m asking myself questions like ‘who am I’, ‘what is my purpose’, ‘what is going to make me happy’, ‘are the decisions I’m making today leading me towards the person I want to be tomorrow’. Yeah, I told you.

These are such bullshit questions, too. Because how can anyone really answer them. You can answer it at certain times in your life easily. Those awesome moments where everything feels like it’s happening exactly how it’s supposed to. But what about those times when you’ve got an itch. When you don’t feel quite fulfilled. When you feel like you need to be doing something, ANYTHING differently? Yeah, well, welcome to my life right now.

It comes from a huge, selfish fear I have of regretting decisions I have made (or sort of not made, as the case may be). To a point, I can convince myself that everything has happened for a reason, but deep down there’s that little voice of reason that says, ‘yeah, but you should have fucking finished studying law and be making way more money by now’ etc etc. I worry that hindsight will afford me the wisdom to realise what I should have been doing now- but right now, in the now, I don’t really know what the right answer is.

I guess the real answer is that you have to focus on being happy in whatever situation you’ve got going on, and if you need change- then fucking go and make some changes. I’ve been doing way too much thinking and not enough action- so I guess it’s Business Time. And, yeah…watch some more Girls!!

xfez